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The Mexican people have several very moving and deeply spiritual wedding customs. Their traditions have developed from a rich history of Aztec rituals and Roman Catholic beliefs as well as Spanish and Native American influences. Historically, there were strict proper codes of conduct for the family members during the lengthy courtship, leading to the marriage request and engagement, then the wedding itself. The families of the bride and groom to be were equally important and included in the marriage contract.
Traditionally, the families rather than the couples themselves handled the acceptance or denial of an engagement. Law in the 1700s demanded the consent of all four prospective in-laws for a marriage to take place. Often marriages were arranged whether the couple agreed or not, because the parents would decide which unions were most beneficial to the family status and wealth, thus ensuring their best interests. In later centuries young lovers were allowed more free choice, although the parents were still very involved and made the final decisions.
Whether it was the parents or the young suitor who made the choice of bride, the petición de mano was the most common method of marriage proposal (the ‘asking for her hand’). It is believed that this four-night ritual was Aztec in origin. When a union was decided upon, the parents and the godfather of the boy would visit the girl’s parental home to speak with her parents. They would bring with them a sabucan of food and treats in offering should things go well. These meetings would take place privately in the evening as to avoid embarrassment in case the proposals were rejected. The families would politely chat with one another for a while, only then marriage would be mentioned. If the comments were negatively received, the family would quickly withdraw from the meeting taking their food and gifts with them. If however there was any hesitation to give an answer, it was assumed the proposal could be accepted and the food, chocolate, cigarettes, rum, and such would be shared amongst everyone. If the girl’s family then requested a year or more to think over the proposal, it was generally understood as a refusal. If however the girl’s family requested only a few weeks, it was not suspect and the meetings would continue.
The following three meetings would consist of various combinations of people visiting the girl’s parental home (the boy, his parents, godfather, or a hired marriage negotiator) for debate and negotiation with her parents. In the third meeting, the muhul (bridal gift) would be discussed. A significant item in the bride gift was a gold chain of two loops. It represented the beginning of the new couple’s wealth and signified their dignity. The marriage contract bound not only the couple, but the families of the couple as well. The fourth and final meeting of the proposal ritual was more public and occurred when the girl’s family formally accepted the marriage proposal by receiving the muhul . Once the muhul was accepted the contract was made.
In preparation for the wedding day, many blessings and prayers and symbolic gifts are bestowed on the bride’s family and the bride. An engagement could span a couple of years as the groom’s family worked to gather the chichitomin (bride price, paid for the mother’s milk which had nurtured the daughter). A bridal price was expected to be paid to her family in compensation for taking an able body from them. It is also expected of the groom that he provide the bride’s family with wood and water for a period of one to two years. In addition the groom’s parents were expected to bring gifts of food and wine each Sunday from the time of proposal until the wedding day.
Once it was known that the wedding was near, the custom of puesto de flores (a house-entering ceremony) was enacted. Either the boy’s parents or godparents or mother alone would enter the girl’s parental home and place candles and flowers by the Santo (Saint Icon) on the family altar.
Another traditional custom was the election of a best couple to sponsor the boy and girl. The four parents would make the request of becoming padrino and madrina, which was considered a high honor. They served as sort of “god parents” to the wedding, then the marriage. They participated in and contributed financially in the wedding details, then provided guidance throughout the marriage. The padrino rather than the bride’s father would be the man to give her away.
With the approach of the wedding day and the wedding day itself, many customs would be enacted. In one tradition, the boy’s parents would send a feast of food and wine to the bride’s parents on the evening before the wedding. The entire wedding outfit and flowers would be sent to the bride as well. That night she would stay with the padrinos who would counsel her with marriage advice.
In another custom, friends of the bride and groom decorated their homes with handmade wedding knick-knacks. Paper doves and swans would hold the couple’s names. Little straw note holders and silver and gold cups were also placed in their homes.
The wedding ceremony itself was originally held in the doorway to the church rather than within it. Only after the couple became married would they enter and attend mass.
At the church door the couple would exchange vows with one another. The groom would present his wife with thirteen gold coins representing Christ and his twelve apostles. The coins had been blessed by the priest early in the wedding ceremony and handed to the bride. The bride in turn placed them in the groom’s hands. The groom then encased them in a handsome chest and handed the chest to a wedding member. After the vows were exchanged the groom showered the bride’s hands with the coins and placed the chest on top of them. The groom gifts his wife these coins as a symbol of his complete trust and to show that his life is in her hands. Her acceptance symbolizes her complete trust and her promise to care for him.
A tradition included in the wedding ceremony was the ‘tying’ together of the bride and groom. Depending on the family’s finances this was done with either ribbon, leather, wooden rings, a strand of flowers, gold bands, or a very large rosary. After the vows had been exchanged the priest wrapped the rosary around the couple in a figure 8 beginning with the groom. The rosary could be wrapped around their shoulders, waists, or wrists. This tradition symbolized the eternal unity and love the couple would share. They wore this lazo throughout the rest of the ceremony. It was then removed by the priest and presented to the newlyweds as a memento of their commitment to one another.
When the wedding ceremony was finished and the newlyweds were leaving the church, much shouting, loud music and gun shooting went on. The noise along with the custom of throwing rice or cornmeal into the air was believed to scare away and appease any evil spirits hovering about the newlyweds.
The couple would then go to the bride’s home for breakfast before attending the wedding reception.
During the celebration, friends and family members would offer best wishes and gift the couple with gold coins. This custom is similar to toady’s money dance in which guests pin money to the couples clothing.
The first wedding dance was celebrated in this special way. All of the guests would gather around the newlyweds in a giant heart-shaped ring in blessing of their marriage.
Sometimes the family of the bride would playfully kidnap the bride from the groom and demand ransom for her return. The groom would then have to make promises that would benefit the girl’s family and she would be returned. This was a last attempt to gain compensation for the loss of a productive member of the bride’s family because traditionally the couple would live with the groom’s parents.
As we can see, many of today’s non-Hispanic wedding customs are reminiscent of the Spanish customs. All cultural influences are so intertwined, whether subtly or boldly, it’s amazing how customs travel the world and affect other societies. These Mexican wedding traditions developed out of what I’m sure were countless influences of a great many societies. It is with appreciation that I complete this article, appreciation for the great history of love and commitment involved in the development of these beautiful traditions.
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